People often create reasons or events to end romances, friendships, relationships.
Then they can say, “Well it ended because x did y = z!”
Unconsciously or consciously, it’s a launchpad to move beyond.
But in a very Taoist fashion, it’s just as possible
(and probably easier and more peaceful)
to just “move quietly forward.”
If a relationship feels stuck, I look for ways to move foward.
Forward can mean:
Re-classifying the relationship
Seeing it without Rose-Colored Glasses
Managing Expectations
Setting Healthier Boundaries
Letting it GROW (into something healthier or apart)
Letting go emotionally
I figured out that I don’t need the other person’s permission OR participation to do any of those.
It actually feels healthier to not wait for validation or even awareness on their part.
And as hard as it is to resist doing or saying things to make sure the other person notices,
I’m a lot happier if that’s not a priority. Hard to resist that.
I began to realize that the problem wasn’t with anyone else, but with me.
Problems are often the result of resisting the forward movement of what the relationship was meant to be. Ignoring the very nature of the relationship, not embracing its evolution.
When I find myself in choppy waters, I look at my check list:
1. Don’t give up too soon.
2. Give it the ole college try.
3. But don’t force it.
4. Know when to let go or your attachment
to what you think it should be.
5. Trust the process.
“Seems easier to push, than to let go and trust.”
(Indigo Girls, It’s Alright)
Although it may help to think of relationships as being around for “A reason, a season, a lifetime,”
I try to resist being that black and white (and trite) about the purpose of any relationship.
I’ve seen too many surprises in relationships.
With a little honesty, or effort, relationships can sometimes take a 180.
Let Them All Be What They Are
They are what they are, all of them. An ocean full of possibilities.
Good thing there are plenty of fish in the sea. I need the practice.
~Shephard
(This post inspired by a conversation with a friend about closure,
November 20th, 2013)
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