We can’t stop anyone from saying “That’s so gay.” Our only real control over words is how we choose to use them or respond to them.
We’re used to hearing this.
And not everyone means them negatively.
Example, I once heard Brad Pitt say on Oprah that he was “gay for architecture.” He meant it was his passion, and that he was geeky about it. He used it in an endearing way, almost self-depricating, with a smile. But it still shocked me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. But this amazing man donated $100,000 of his own money to fight the awful Prop (h)8 in California, in support of marriage equality. So he’s a friend of the gay community.
Brad wasn’t using it to hurt anyone. I was on the fence about it, but knew his intention wasn’t negative. So it didn’t bother me.
My friends and I sometimes say “That’s so gay” with each other. Sometimes I like something that is “so gay” … but I don’t like it BECAUSE I’m gay. That’s the difference. It just happens to be something that I like. Maybe it’s a rainbow t-shirt. Yep, that’s pretty gay! Happy, Cheery, Playful, Sparkling, Sunny.
I love musical theatre. But more than half my gay friends have no interest in musical theatre. So clearly I don’t like musical theatre BECAUSE I’m gay. I like it because of how it makes me feel, because I love music, because I love a love story, a diva with an incredible voice, a handsome leading man singing love songs, and clever staging and fun sets and costumes.
Sometimes, my friends and I will joke, and say, “That’s the gayest thing I’ve said all day.” There’s no malice or ugliness in that. We’re celebrating who we are. And most importantly, we understand the intention behind it.
I think that’s what we can try to teach our straight friends.
Or even our gay friends who use it negatively.
Be careful how you use the word gay.
There’s a middle ground. A place where we let other people know we are okay with poking fun at ourselves if it’s good natured, and not meant to lessen us or our likes or choices.
~Shephard
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