I wanted to be a singer when I was young. I studied and trained for 10+ years, to the point where vocal coaches and voice teachers said there was nothing much more for me to learn, other than take good care of my voice and keep good (singing) habits.
It was the early 1990′s.
My voice did not fit the popular offerings.
This was before Michael Bublé and Josh Groban.
And I’ve never been leading man material for Broadway.
To paraphrase Simon Cowell, I’m not the “complete package.”
And I’m gay.
And I’m not skinny.
Now before you get all good-naturely optimistic on my behalf, I’m not saying I couldn’t have found my way (my niche) as a singer had I worked hard enough and wanted it badly enough. There are dozens of ways to be
a singer.
I looked at the cost to my my self-esteem, my marriage and my happiness. I took a hard look at my talent, a B-level singer, and what the options might be. I looked at my very nature. It was not a good match for me.
The necessary path would have stollen the joy of singing from me.
I recently watched a documentary, *20 Feet from Stardom* about the life of background singers.
One of them in the movie is phenomenally talented and yet she didn’t want fame and fortune.
She had it all… the contacts, the support, the talent, but she didn’t want fame.
She loved singing. She found a way to sing and be happy as one of the most sought-after
background singers in the music industry.
Infinite Possibility vs. Infinite Probability
I realized when I was young… I didn’t have the drive to live the necessary lifestyle.
I loved singing, I was good enough. But the uphill lifestyle was not what I wanted.
I made choices based on probability rather than possibility. I realized that writing made me just as happy as singing.
I chose the path of greater probability for happiness and success, instead of a life flying in the face of limitations that would be very hard to move beyond. And I am so happy I did. I do miss singing. But I chose the greater probability.
I also didn’t choose to be a professional basketball player.
Are there shorter basketball players? Yes. Are they happy? Sure.
The difference is that they loved it and wanted it more than I ever would.
I knew myself. I don’t even like basketball. lol. I listened to who I was.
I could have chosen any number of things as possibility,
and several things as probability.
I love the idea of Infinite Probability
(I got this from the Mike Dooley book Manifesting Change).
This perspective is great for decision-making in my life.
I’ll take chances, I’ll risk, and I’ll devote myself with determination
to what I feel passionate about.
But always with respect to knowing myself first and foremost:
infinite possibility vs. infinite probability.
~Shephard
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